Still alive.

Fuck, it's been a while. I didn't want this to happen like it did with my Japan blog buuuuuut yeah. Life kinda catches up with you.
It's been a whirlwind month-and-half-ish or so since I last wrote.
Greg left in late May. We went to Shanghai/Suzhou/Hangzou. Climbed fucking Mt. Tai, aka Taishan. Alan moved in with Sadie. Began dating Antoine. And a whole bunch of other melodrama with the fa-guos. As usual.
Finals are coming up and I'm feeling about them as usual. I really don't know what i'm gonna do when I go back to UIC this fall and actually have to work my ass off as opposed to doing the minimal and getting by. I barely remember how to write a decent paper anymore. This is feichang bu hao [really bad].
Oh yeah, I've begun interjecting my everyday speaking with chinese phrases. It's ridiculous I know but awesome at the same time.
This whole experience has been so different than Japan. I'm glad I decided to come though. I remember having dinner with Jocey on my 20th birthday, talking about studying abroad and where I wanted to go. She suggested Beijing and I remember being apprehensive about it for various reasons. But it all worked out in the end, I suppose.
The whole atmosphere is so much more like a typical college campus than Temple ever was. Temple was five floors of one building and two floors of another and that was it. We lived in a hotel. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad that I went to Tokyo. It really was an amazing experience and I hope to go back sometime soon. But I guess my time here was been much more of what I expected study abroad to be. Living on campus, meeting international students, etc. The people I've met here have all been pretty amazing for the most part. As opposed to Tokyo where I was only really close to Christie, I've managed to get fairly close to some people here.
Saying goodbye within the next few weeks is gonna suck ass. Tokyo was kind of 'easy' because, like I said, I was only really close to one person [although i'll admit, saying goodbye to Tokyo was haaarrrdddd. I really didn't want to leave]. I don't know. I've never been particularly good at goodbyes [although, who is, really?]. I have a feeling I'll dwell for a while. But now that I think about it, I don't think I'll have time to dwell since I only have a week before heading back to Chicago to move in and get back to school. Real life.

I've realized that this entry wasn't particularly insightful or there weren't any good updates but I felt the need to at least let people know I was still alive. Or whatever.
I'm hoping to write an actual entry later on. Perhaps after finals are over and people have left, when I'll have like, a month by myself in Beijing to just hang out. Yeah. I dunno.

this blog is still alive, i swear!

quick post before going to bed.
not much has been going on lately. just been hanging out with the french people more. or actually, i've gotten to the point where i feel comfortable enough hanging out with them by myself. before it was typical that most of the mei guos would come out with the fa guos. and i really wouldn't hang out with the french unless at least another non-fa guo was there. but now that i've gotten closer especially to anissa, antoine, and francois, it's been better.
i still feel like the whole situation i referred to in my previous post is a bad one and is going to blow up in our faces and hurt people [not that it hasn't already...] but whatever. what's going to happen is going to happen and we'll all deal with it [or not] then.
i know it seems like all i do here is party, and i won't lie, there's a lot of that going on but it's not the only thing. i swear! but i will admit, my other responsibilities like aacc, naascon, and other things that i need to prepare for next year have been put on the back burner and i'm really ashamed about that. i don't know. for the last few months or so, i feel like i've been on my way to a huge mental breakdown that's going to happen any moment now. with all this stress that i don't know how to handle and add on personal melodrama, this is not going to end well at all.
anyway, honestly, not much has happened. the kei group did go to xian a few weekends ago and it was okay. i did like the fact that i didn't have to worry about anything [for the most part] but i didn't like how we didn't have much flexibility in what we wanted to do and the tour guide took us to all these touristy places [of course] where there were shit loads of people. but it was nice to get some bonding in with the kei kids and hakim. :]
we're going to shanghai [among other places] this weekend, leaving friday night and coming back tuesday afternoon. i'm a bit apprehensive about how the trip will turn out, but considering we've already paid and probably wouldn't be able to get a refund, i'm gonna fucking go and make sure i get my money's worth. i mean, most anything is what you make of it right?
and then we took greg out last night because he said he wanted to get drunk [he's never even been buzzed before and just wants to see what the whole fuss is about]. we were SUPPOSED to go to butterfly/kai but ended up at china doll. and he got in a few shots and cocktails but i don't think it was quite what he expected. my only regret is that most of us weren't drinking cause we didn't feel like spending shitloads of money [china doll's drinks are delicious but expensive as hell]. that's why we wanted to go to butterfly which is sooo much cheaper. but yeah, so he was essentially drinking alone which was not good. i feel like a lot of the reason why people like to drink is because it's so much about being a social experience. but yeah. so that was kind of disappointing. we're trying to convince greg to let us take him out again so we can give him a much better experience but i doubt he'll let us. damn.
and then hopefully, we'll be going MOUNTAIN CLIMBING in a few weeks. zzoommgg. we were supposed to go weeks ago but it kept getting post-poned. it's going to be amazing, i can feel it.
it's already may and i'm freaked. we only have about two months left and then the program is over. and then most people will be going back home. :[ i really don't know what i'm going to do for a month. hmmm.

as my battery is about to die, this may have to be a quick post.
interesting thing, apparently in france, when a person pulls their eyes back in the way to 'imitate' what an asian person looks like, it's not really considered offensive?
i dunno. most of the french people i've asked about it have been white so i don't know if that may be a reason why they don't see it as offensive. but then i asked one of my asian french friends about it and she said that she didn't find it offensive either. or, she said that, but then she also said that because the girl who did it is one of her good friends, she didn't find it racist in any way. so i don't know if she was saying that because her friend did it, it's okay but if someone she didn't know did it then she'd be pissed or what.
but either way. when some of my french friends did it, i was just like 'OH HELLZ NO.'

it's also been hard because, don't get me wrong cause i like hanging out with them for the most part, but there are times when they say certain things that i myself see as offensive but they don't. at least, not really. so i don't know if i'm 'overreacting' or what. but then i ask myself why i think i'm overreacting. and....i don't know exactly how to word this thought. but regardless, why should i think i'm overreacting when i think i have a valid reason to be questioning some of the things they may say or do? problem being that when they say or do these things i can feel why they're wrong but i can't exactly explain why. so then i don't really say anything because i don't want to bring up something without being able to back it up and feel like a huge ass and be attacked without any support. but then i feel like i should say something, that i shouldn't let these things slide. and anyway. now i'm just rambling and writing almost anything that pops into my head because i don't want my battery to die and to lose all my thoughts. no matter how scattered they are right now.

time to study?

OOOMMGGG. i can't believe it's been more than a month since last posting. oops. i really don't want to let this blog disappear into nothingness like my japan blog did. that made me sad.
things have been okay lately. albeit stressful. but mostly because of my lack of ability to time-manage. i have so much shit going on at home that it's driving me crazy. i don't know why i can't not-procrastinate. sigh. whatever.
study abroad really is like high school. i'm not exactly sure how to describe why but it's just this feeling. kind of like, you see the same people every single day and hang out together all the time and do stuff together and blahblahblah. and then things start to get unnecessarily complicated.
let me tell you, watching certain things play out between certain people is becoming a major pain in my ass. don't get me wrong, i love gossip. i'll admit it. but there's something about this situation that is just driving me fucking bonkers. i don't know what it is, but i guess i figure that since we're fucking out of high school and now adults [however you may define 'adults,' relatively speaking] makes me think that we shouldn't be acting the way we're acting. i feel like we're behaving like a bunch of middle schoolers and that irritates me beyond all belief. don't get me wrong, i have my immature moments quite a bit. i still have a shitload of growing up to do. but....the way they're acting is just so...childish.
i guess i'm a little bit biased since i'm somewhat, sort of involved with the situation. sort of. and i'm sick of being in this position over and over again.
people, get your shit together.
all i can say is that i see that tensions are building within the french group. and eventually, it's going to spill over and the shit is gonna HIT THE FAN.
i guess i'm also a little grumpy since i've got literally, like 15 bugbites all over my body and it's not even MAY yet. fuck.
i suppose i sound like i don't hanging out with the french group and that's not what i mean at all. i do enjoy spending time with them but sometimes....i just want to scream at the top of my lungs. GROW UP. YOU'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE. SUCK. IT. UP.
ughhh.

maybe phil's somewhat right. as americans, we're fairly desensitized and hardened to everything. but i feel like you have to be like that to an extent in order to survive. at least in the US.

this entry really makes no sense. it's hard when you don't mention names. i don't know why i censor names. why do i care what they think? i don't know. don't want to create unnecessary drama i guess. i have enough on my plate with trying to maintain my sanity.

i don't know what to do with this blog exactly. should i blog about day-to-day activities? do people really even give a shit about that stuff?

/end.

mei guos and fa guos.

so this weekend was kind of out of control. more in terms of the fact that i went out friday night anddd saturday night. whew.
friday night was the party at the french people's place which was pretty fun. their contingent is HUGE, at least 20-30 people. i still haven't really met everyone. but anyway, so the party mostly consisted of mingling and talking with a whole bunch of different people which was pretty fun. there was alcohol but nothing like certain parties in the US. no crazy alcohol games and whatever. just sipping on drinks and hanging out. it was great.
but then some people suggested going to Vic's which is this big dance club in salitun [which i'm guessing is the 'party' district cause that's where all the bars and whatever seem to be]. some of us had never been so they were trying to convince us to go. and we did. we somehow all got in for free which was sweet. the place was pretty cool but so LOUD. i've been in loud, noisy clubs before but this was out of control. anyway, apparently one of the guys had a hook-up or something cause we got a little couch/table area and there was fruit and drinks and all that. and then one of the waiters brought over buckets full of ice which had sparklers in them and reallllly tasty drinks in nice glasses. it was so random! it was a fun night overall.
then the next night, the french people called us again and we decided to meet up with them for dinner. so we all met up [although greg/alan/phil got lost AGAIN]. after everyone got to the meeting spot, we headed over to the restaurant but they couldn't accommodate all of us [the french contingent is real serious. they have at least 20 twenty people in their group all the time]. so we spent the next like hour and a half trying to find a place. but eventually we all kinda split into separate groups. so the group i was in kept walking around for a while and eventually we ended up at hooters.
...
now if you know me, i'm a women's studies major/feminist and not so big on the exploitation-of-women's-bodies-etc kind of thing. but it was late, we were hungry, and most people just wanted to eat at that point.
it wasn't THAT bad, relatively speaking. but i was so uncomfortable with all these women [esp. since they were women of color] walking around in super tight short-shorts and slightly low-cut tank tops. they were all really sweet and SO PETITE. it was a little scary. the food was american, i.e., hot dogs/burgers, and way over-priced. and they had all these slightly sexist signs up. and of course, sports was on the television. it was just....surreal. someone who has an asian fetish would be in heaven here. 'fetishized/exoticized asian women in tight clothes serving me food! YES!!'
afterwards, we went to this small club where we chilled and smoked hookah. it was nice, albeit somewhat awkward. the conversation wasn't flowing very well for some reason. then we all took taxi's home and called it a night.
it's been pretty fun hanging out with them so far. to be honest, i didn't expect them to wanna hang out with us so much. i thought they'd call every once in a while and that would be it. but we see each other pretty often since other kei people have class with them. so most of the time we'll end up going out to lunch after class is over [although we usually have to split up] and then they invite us to stuff on the weekends. but yay for making new friends!

i met this asian french girl in my class the other day. she asked me where i was from and i told her america and she was pretty surprised and said 'you don't look american' which i'm not really sure what she meant by that. did she mean i didn't look american cause i'm of asian descent? i dunno.
and then this other french girl we've been hanging out with asked me about my ethnicity and i told her chinese. and this other asian french girl then asked if i was mixed and was surprised when i said i wasn't. i find this interesting since i got that question a few times while i was in japan as well. or else people thought i was south east asian. i've always felt like i didn't like your typical 'chinese' person, whatever that even means. i dunno.

homework!

lgbtqi.

so, today in class, we had to practice conversations whereby we were referencing someone's girlfriend. when my partner [who is female] asked me about my 'girlfriend' and everyone kind of started nervously laughing. and then the teacher suggested to change 'girlfriend' to 'boyfriend.' and then everyone started laughing. it was so awkward. and then something similar happened in my comprehension class and it was, again, awkward.
i wasn't quite sure what to do so i just nervously laughed with everyone else. :( i wish i were brave enough to have said something about it but had no idea how i would have said it in chinese [teacher/classmates only really all understand chinese].
i'm curious to learn more about the lgbtqi community in china. my assumptions are that being someone who identifies as lgbtqi is still rather taboo but i have no idea. but just from my experiences today, it would seem that this might be true.

i also met a japanese girl in my class today and since she only knew japanese/chinese and i only know english/chinese, we spoke only chinese to each other, with a few japanese words thrown in there. it was fun though! really forced me to practice my chinese. she was really sweet though. we also talked to a korean guy in chinese [she spoke to him in some korean] which was a bit difficult but still interesting, nonetheless. and i chatted with this french guy who sat behind me. all in all, i felt it was a productive day in terms of meeting new people. i hope this continues!

still sick.

Classes started on Monday and it's fairly intense. I've got class starting at 8am everyday until 11:30am [or else ending at around 10am and starting again at 1:30pm until 3:00pm]. and then it's divided into sections. so some days i'll have speaking or listening or comprehension.
i pretty much understand everything the teacher's been saying [thank goodness] and most of it isn't anything too over my head. when they were interviewing us about our skill level, they said that my speaking and listening seemed pretty good but the grammar/reading/writing was def. at a lower level. so i could either be in the more advanced level where my speaking skills and whatever would probably be at about the same level as everyone else or be in the more elementary level where my speaking would be better but my reading/writing would be at about the same level as everyone else.
I decided to go with the latter. My speaking may be slightly better but my reading/writing is absolutely terrible. sooooo better to start from the beginning, i feel.

so the thing that i like about this program is that i've been meeting quite a few other international students. whereas in tokyo, i felt it was mostly just american students vs. japanese students with a few chinese/taiwanese students and a sprinkling of those from europe.
within the last two days alone, we randomly met someone from taiwan and his friends from wuhan, and a whole bunch of french people. there are also a lot of people from korea, indonesia, germany, etc. needless to say, it's more diverse which i'm really happy about. i think that was definitely one of my regrets about tokyo - not meeting more international students. cause i feel like that's one of the reasons you study abroad, right? to meet other people from around the world.

the campus here is huuuuuge. at least, compared to uic. definitely takes some getting used to.

we went to a market yesterday with the taiwanese [andy] and wuhan [rain and shine - these were their names, no joke] that had these pretty awesome caramelized strawberries. this is also the market famed for selling scorpions/starfish/sea horses/etc. on a stick. i wasn't quite in the mood for any of that, but rain graciously bought us all mutton which was pretty good.
there was also a market there and so we walked around there for a bit. a few of the people in my group are getting pretty decent at bartering. i have yet to do it yet. i don't want to for some reason. i almost feel kinda bad about doing it. i dunno.
afterwards, we wandered around the area and ended up at some hold in the wall bar. the drinks sucked and were way over-priced [even for chinese standards] but it was fun to play foosball and pool and junk hang out.
they're only in town until saturday but their business may move to beijing so hopefully we'll be seeing more of them in the future!

we also went to a place called silk street a little while ago and it was craaaazyyyyy. it's essentially a bunch of stands set up right next to each other with people standing and asking you to buy stuff as you walk past. it's freakin' intense. the stands are small and five million people are talking to you at once. and if you say no, they'll insult you, grab you, etc. ROUGH. but i guess it's good that way since then i won't be tempted to buy stuff. i so wanted to stop because i saw racks and racks of sneakers but.....yeah. sigh.

can i also say how much i'm enjoying only paying ~$2 - $4 for a meal? so awesome.